Beebee

Yaa, can you believe it? Usually I put that little “in” in front of “sane”!! Not today though. I’m feelings SUPER! Catrina started it with her “just for today” commitments. It is crazy, simple, stupid, and dog gonnit, it works! I started writing a “just for today” list. I have bigger goals, but I have to focus on just this one little day. She is a smart woman. I try to learn from those that have experience to offer! Anyone who can lose over 100 lbs must have some sort of a clue!!

I completed ALL of my “just for today” things. It kept me focused all day long. Couldn’t wait to cross things off of my list! I am making it for mental and physical well being, not just about weight loss. Honestly, it is usually my mental state that sabotages my weight loss. Emotions play such a huge part of how I control my eating and exercise. The new goal is to keep a healthy body AND mind!! It is wonderful. I feel like finally, maybe I have a small key that will help me stop spinning my wheels and stop feeling like I will never make it!

One small pound gone, another 9 lbs to go by Oct 28th!! Woohoo!!

I haven’t blogged in awhile, so I figured I had better make myself do it. Yes, lots of reluctance to write about me right now. I gained 2 lbs at WW last night. No big suprise there. I have had a roller coaster week this week, and I’m never very good at controlling the food part of my life if I feel out of control in other areas. My boss gave me $1 raise with the understanding that I find daycare right away for my son. I was expecting to have until he started crawling to make other arrangements. My boss is retiring though, and he said that this is something that needs to be taken care of now. I don’t want to put my son in daycare. I feel the most important thing right now is that I be with him during his babyhood. He is a happy baby, but if he has to go to daycare, he will be miserable. I just don’t think I could do it to him (or me for that matter). So, I have a very limited time to figure out what I’m going to do. I cannot just give up the income without having a better plan of action than that. I have to be able to cushion the budget in some way before giving up that money. I don’t work for fun, believe it or not!!

So it is stressing me out not knowing what I’m going to do. I love my job and I love that I have been able to have my baby at work with me. I sort of feel like I owe my boss for doing it for me. I owe my baby and family first though. He is retiring, so this is a really crappy time to have to replace me. The $1 raise really indicates to me that he doesn’t want to lose me. I’m awefully overpaid now for a secretary!

I need to find some way to make money without sacrificing my time with my son though. I know every mother has probably said the same thing. I hate it that I have to choose. It is such a short time that my son will be a baby though.

Sooooo, I have been eating everything in sight. I admit it. I probably deserve to gain way more than 2lbs in a week (thank God for the burned calories breastfeeding!!). We are talking about buying the local pet store as an option. The economy is so shaky right now though, I’m not sure how that will pan out. I have no idea how to even start looking into it!! We’ll see. I’ll keep you all posted. Might soon be the source for great pets and pet needs!!

I’m trying to decompress my stress. My mom (and weight loss companion) is going to be out of town for the next couple of weeks. I’m trying to avoid blowing off all effort to lose weight while she is gone! My sis from Nebraska said she will meet my challenge to lose 10 lbs by Oct 28th. Figure that will give me something to work towards! Whoever wins (most weight lost) gets to buy dinner at Applebees over Thanksgiving weekend! Sooo, I will be working my buns off to lose as much as possible. I got to win.. ya know??

Thanks for putting up with my ramble today. I just needed to own up in writing, so I can move on and lose weight!!

Ever feel like you just aren’t getting your “money’s worth” when you eat a buffet? The price of most buffets has gone through the roof, so you just feel you have to eat more to justify it. Well, it isn’t money better spent if you overeat. Last night, hubby wanted to go to our fav chinese buffet place. I said that was fine. We had a very pleasant dinner, and I had a bowl of egg drop soup, and one very small plate of beef and broccoli (can’t spell it!! :P). I left feeling content, but not full. We took our time, and just enjoyed the quiet and conversation.

Today, though, I walked out of the house without eating breakfast. I need to get groceries and there was just nothing really to eat. Ok, that is a lie because I could have had a bowl of cereal, or even toast. No good excuse other than I didn’t feel like taking the time and I wasn’t really hungry then. Now I’m at my desk and feel like chewing off my arm. Really bad move, Beebers. Now I need to figure out how to stay SANE when I go to lunch ravvished! Not a good place to be. That is when bad food decisions happen. I KNOW this!! Going to make sure I get my grocery shopping done pronto after work today!

Well, I have work to get done. You all have a great day, and wonderful weekend! Take care, gang. Remember to stay sane on your choices!!

It is Wednesday!!!!! Oh my oh my! Need to not think about it being hump day! It has been a longgggg week of recovery so far! Anywayyyyysss, hope everyone is getting over the hump and on the downward slide of the week! Did my weigh in last night. Down almost 3 lbs. That was good news. My goal is to keep seeing those virgin pounds leaving!! Woohoo!! I try not to think about the total weight loss too much cuz then I get scared that by golly I might actually be doing this!! (oops! NO thinking about it!!)

I almost feel like a teen again! Ok, not in age, but I’m sneaking up on those teen digits on my weight! Shhh, don’t tell them! I’m looking forward to staying focused and on track all week long. Yes, I know it is Wednesday, but for WW it is a NEW week! Hope you all smash those pounds today! Get outside and enjoy the wonderful fall weather! Turn the tv off tonight. It isn’t Biggest Loser tonight, so don’t be a loser of time tonight! Take care gang!

Did you know that Tuesday is the most productive day of the week? Yup. I think since it is Tuesday, today is the perfect day to recommit myself to my weight loss goals. I have weigh in today with WW. We were off last Tuesday which for some reason was inspiring last week, but shot down the gutter this week. I was doing outstanding this time last week, but things change. I had minor surgery on Friday. No more babies for me! New stage of life now. The few days before Friday were stressful for me. Although it was minor, it was stressful with a nursing baby and wondering how much discomfort I would be in after. Well, it went well, but I was really tired and sore all weekend. To be expected. I did a lot of comfort eating before and after surgery. Not good, but again, to be expected. I am getting better at coping without drowning in food, but definitely not perfect. My MIL helped with the baby and of course had to bring a wonderful pumpkin cake over to “help me feel better”. Love that lady. God bless her, but that was probably the last thing I needed. Sure was good though!

I’m not sure if I will lose tonight at weigh in or not. It truly doesn’t matter either way. It is time to focus on the important stuff. Eating right, exercising, and taking care of ME. I keep saying it is imporant, but then I let it slide. I get lost in the shuffle and hussle of daily family living. I can’t wait for anyone else to get motivated. This is me, and I control me. I am the only one that controls me. There is so much in life that we can’t change, but I can definitely change me!!

I’m slowly getting my life back on track. Finances are looking better than they have in a long time. Hubby and I are still keeping separate finances for now. We are splitting the bills and taking care of business, and have even managed to slide a decent amount into savings for a house in the future. I’m not in any hurry to join our finances again. Not because I’m worried about our stability as a couple, but because it is forcing him to be a part of budgeting. It was all my job before. He would swipe and I would make it all work and pay the bills. No more. This way he has to participate which makes it much easier to keep him focused instead of the free spirit he is naturally. Finances are good, house/family is running decently, work is going smoothly, so it is ME time!

Goals:
1. Whole food snacks twice a day. Fruits, whole grain, dairy, veggies. Make snacks count.

2. Drink proper amounts of water. Get dehydrated easily nursing a baby. Need extra hydration if I’m going to lose!

3. Veggies at lunch AND dinner. Realized last night that I’m seriously lacking in the veggie department.

4. Count and track my WW points. They work if I do my part.

5. EXERCISE!! Catrina says twice a day. I think she is probably right on, so I’m going to start getting up early to get some in before work, and again before bed in the evening. (wonders if sex counts as exercise??) Seriously, I just need to make myself get into the habit.

6. Go shopping for me by myself sometime in the next week. I don’t get any alone time, and I need pampering. Fun shopping. Not running errands and grocery shopping.

7. Go to the park with the kids and dog at least once this week. Wonderful evenings lately, need to enjoy them OUTSIDE!

K. That is all for now. Thanks for listening. Think my week is all scoped out now! Hang tight!

Ok, yesterday was a bad emotional day. I did ok, but not wonderful. I was filled with doubt, hurt, and insecurities all afternoon and evening. I did good until after work, then I think I cracked. Had two pieces of cake for the sole purpose of feeding my emotions. Not good, but they were small pieces, and I didn’t eat the whole flippin cake, so I get a small amount of credit for that.

I have surgery tomorrow morning, so I’m a little stressed about that. Hubby has been very busy working this week, so we haven’t had the proper amount of time together. That would stress me under good conditions, but we are still on very rough water. It is about more than I can bear emotionally. It just all came crashing down on me yesterday.

Ok, the part where my scale is a monster. I have been faithful on watching what I eat this whole last week, been getting more physically active. Notice how I didn’t say exercise? I’m swearing off that. I’m trying to change me instead of dictate exercise. The lil monster refused to budge all week. Neither up nor down. Yesterday, bad food.. and a 4 lbs loss. Not the proper message to be sending me!! I hate that little monster!!

Well, Shan offered to walk 30 min if I did yesterday. Silly me said, “Deal!” Did you know that I am STILL the queen of every possible excuse to not exercise?? I am. I got off work at 5:30, had to run to get shoes for my son, and then jeans at another store. Forgot the shampoo (we are OUT), had to make a third trip to a third store to get one thing!! My son helped out with supper, thank God. Just as I was getting my supper eaten, hub walked in at 8:45pm. Now, normally with a hectic evening such as this, I would say screw it, I’m kicking back for awhile. Well, I knew that I had to keep my end of that bargain with Shan, so I put the baby down for a nap and headed out the door with my son. We put some good distance on the tennis shoes!! I really would never had done it if Shan hadn’t been such a trooper to offer to match me. It was really sweet thing for her to do. She’s listened to me for long enough whine about lack of motivation.

Well, it is Monday again. I did pretty good most of last week, and didn’t even completely lose it over the weekend. This is said with the utmost suprise because there is no WW meeting tomorrow. Right now would be the PERFECT time to blow it off and worry about it later. No accountability and all. Not exactly my most shining moments when I’m not going to answer for it right away. I guess I’m just like a little kid that way.

All that said, I was very upset to see the scale is 2 lbs up this morning. Grrrrrr!! It is one thing when I have been naughty and deserve to see it reflected on those dam numbers, but I really have been good all week. Ok, I can always do better, and that is going to be my goal right now. That nasty lil “exercise” word would probably be a good thing to dust off and get going again. Mr. Robert says that exercise is supposed to be enjoyable. Hmmm.. need to figure that one out because I can see with my own two peepers that he is on the money.

I wanted to say thank you to all of you who put so much time, feeling, and energy into your blogs. Many of us here take a lot of inspiration in sharing your adventure with you guys. It is so hard to find such raw honesty, and it hurts me that a few here are making it difficult on the ones that I feel add so much to this website. I just wanted to thank those of you who are here for the right reasons, and I hope I can help encourage you guys half as much as you have been to me. Not only with your words to me, but every word you type that I take and apply to my own life adventure. Keep on keeping on!!

Good Morning to all of my fellow losers. Today is a good day! It is Wednesday!! I had my WW meeting last night. I lost THREE pounds last week. I was naughty. I didn’t mention this last week, and I was hoping no one would notice that I failed to go to my WW meeting last week. My hubby gave me hell about skipping. I was in a slump, gained weight, and didn’t want to face the weigh-in. First meeting that I’ve missed since I started back the first of June. I have seen a couple of gains. I’ve had to face the music before, but I was not in the mood to do it last week. Anyway, I took off the two pounds I had gained plus 3 more! Woohoo for Beebee! I’m feeling pretty good about losing now. WW started a promotion to feed the hungry. For every pound members lose for the next 6 weeks, WW will donate a pound of food. So I’m major revved to lose as many as I can for the next 5 weeks (this was the first week).

Last week I was looking around on BS, and under the forums, one woman (can’t remember who at the moment) was dedicating the next 6 mos to weight loss and then be done with it and maintain wherever she was at. I can’t quite do that. I have too much weight to lose to make it in 6 mos, but I decided that I’m dedicating the next 6 mos to losing 50 lbs. I know I’m going to regret posting it so boldly like that. I know it is very likely that I might not make that exact number, but it is my GOAL. That will be approx. half the weight I want to lose gone by the beginning of March. What a great time to be halfway done with my weight loss. I’m really excited to see spring come and be substantially smaller.

Now, this all sounds very outrageous (even to me), but I broke it down into weeks, and that is ONLY 2 lbs per week. That is NOT outrageous huh? It will also make me focus on being consistant in my losses. That is where I’ve been messing up lately. I can lose one week, then gain the next, and probably stay the same the following.

I’m also thinking about joining those wildcats again too! I enjoyed it back before I got pregnant, and now work is starting to slow down, so I should have time to stay somewhat active with the group. Also, I saw that they started doing their weigh-ins on Friday morning now. That works much better for me. I don’t have internet at home!!

Well, I’m back. I haven’t actually been missing, but I’ve been pretty quiet lately. I come here for many reasons, which I’m sure I’m not the only one. This is a familiar and safe place to vent both life and weight loss issues. I’ve had my fair share of both lately. My hubby left for a month, and now we are trying to work things out. I know a lot of women here have been through similar things, so I don’t need to tell you how emotional this has all made me. I’m glad we are trying to work things out, but I’m really scared too. Now, for an emotional eater, this is hell on wheels. I sling shot back and forth between losing 6 lbs in a week to gaining 4 lbs a couple weeks later. I’ve been in WW for the past 3 months, and I’ve already lost 10% of my weight which is the first goal. That was exciting, but I haven’t developed the habits I need to actually be successful in my weight loss goals. I have been off track for the past month and a half. I’m now trying to make it a more structured priority because this just isn’t working for me. I can’t wait for things to settle down to lose weight cuz I’m just afraid that isn’t going to happen for a really really long time. I’ve started journaling my thoughts, feelings, and progress in maintaining control. I think it is going to help in the long run. Yesterday was my WW weigh-in, and I was sure that I was going to gain huge. I haven’t been doing well this week (emotionally eating that is) w/ hubby around. I ended up staying the same on weight, but that is still one pound up from my 10% loss, so that is frustrating. I’m hoping to get it off this week though. My mom and I are trying to lose together. We set 2 lbs as our goal this week. Not much, but enough that I have to actually try if I’m going to do it. Thank goodness for breastfeeding or I would probably be way up on weight right now. Got to love da baby!!

Oh, I also realized that I officially have LESS than 100 lbs to lose now!! That was exciting (and depressing) all at once! MY goal weight is 130 lbs which means I have ONLY 98 lbs to go!! Woohooo!! Yes, I know that is a whole lotta weight, but got to look on the bright side!