Beebee

I’m not exactly sure how to explain this. I have a serious hangup with success with weight loss. If I get on a roll, it scares me that I might actually do this. I have mentioned this briefly before jokingly, but it is sort of true too. I have never broken 200 lbs since I had my first son (14 yrs). I’ve come close before, but I get scared and quit, I guess.

I’ve lost over 30 lbs now since having my baby in May. That’s not counting the pregnancy weight that I lost directly after his birth. For the most part, I don’t think about the big weight loss. If I do, I start getting scared, so I just try not to think about it. I only focus on each week and my loss/gain for the week. I must say that losing weight while breastfeeding is waaaaayyyyy easier than I thought it would be. I’ve always had to struggle to lose, but with that little added bonus, it rocks. It does have its drawbacks because I have to be careful to be nutrionally safe for the baby. I have to drink lots and lots of water. Making milk burns it up!! I can’t do diet drugs, shakes, or fad diets. Only one way to lose weight while breastfeeding. Eating a healthy, balanced diet and exercise. Sucks huh?

I’m just about ready to kiss the 220’s goodbye forever. I think that is what is making me nervous. That is starting to get dangerously close to onederland. That is JUST one more mini-goal and I am on the other side of the BIG number! I’m excited that I’m making progress. I’m feeling pretty good. I’m feeling in control (which is unusual). As long as I don’t focus TOO much on the total progress, I can keep going. I guess this whole thing is such a mental game!!

Oh, brag rights.. I haven’t had fast food for… 6 days or so now!! Woohooo!! Eating at home is soooo much healthier for my body and mind!

Yaa, can you believe it? Usually I put that little “in” in front of “sane”!! Not today though. I’m feelings SUPER! Catrina started it with her “just for today” commitments. It is crazy, simple, stupid, and dog gonnit, it works! I started writing a “just for today” list. I have bigger goals, but I have to focus on just this one little day. She is a smart woman. I try to learn from those that have experience to offer! Anyone who can lose over 100 lbs must have some sort of a clue!!

I completed ALL of my “just for today” things. It kept me focused all day long. Couldn’t wait to cross things off of my list! I am making it for mental and physical well being, not just about weight loss. Honestly, it is usually my mental state that sabotages my weight loss. Emotions play such a huge part of how I control my eating and exercise. The new goal is to keep a healthy body AND mind!! It is wonderful. I feel like finally, maybe I have a small key that will help me stop spinning my wheels and stop feeling like I will never make it!

One small pound gone, another 9 lbs to go by Oct 28th!! Woohoo!!

I haven’t blogged in awhile, so I figured I had better make myself do it. Yes, lots of reluctance to write about me right now. I gained 2 lbs at WW last night. No big suprise there. I have had a roller coaster week this week, and I’m never very good at controlling the food part of my life if I feel out of control in other areas. My boss gave me $1 raise with the understanding that I find daycare right away for my son. I was expecting to have until he started crawling to make other arrangements. My boss is retiring though, and he said that this is something that needs to be taken care of now. I don’t want to put my son in daycare. I feel the most important thing right now is that I be with him during his babyhood. He is a happy baby, but if he has to go to daycare, he will be miserable. I just don’t think I could do it to him (or me for that matter). So, I have a very limited time to figure out what I’m going to do. I cannot just give up the income without having a better plan of action than that. I have to be able to cushion the budget in some way before giving up that money. I don’t work for fun, believe it or not!!

So it is stressing me out not knowing what I’m going to do. I love my job and I love that I have been able to have my baby at work with me. I sort of feel like I owe my boss for doing it for me. I owe my baby and family first though. He is retiring, so this is a really crappy time to have to replace me. The $1 raise really indicates to me that he doesn’t want to lose me. I’m awefully overpaid now for a secretary!

I need to find some way to make money without sacrificing my time with my son though. I know every mother has probably said the same thing. I hate it that I have to choose. It is such a short time that my son will be a baby though.

Sooooo, I have been eating everything in sight. I admit it. I probably deserve to gain way more than 2lbs in a week (thank God for the burned calories breastfeeding!!). We are talking about buying the local pet store as an option. The economy is so shaky right now though, I’m not sure how that will pan out. I have no idea how to even start looking into it!! We’ll see. I’ll keep you all posted. Might soon be the source for great pets and pet needs!!

I’m trying to decompress my stress. My mom (and weight loss companion) is going to be out of town for the next couple of weeks. I’m trying to avoid blowing off all effort to lose weight while she is gone! My sis from Nebraska said she will meet my challenge to lose 10 lbs by Oct 28th. Figure that will give me something to work towards! Whoever wins (most weight lost) gets to buy dinner at Applebees over Thanksgiving weekend! Sooo, I will be working my buns off to lose as much as possible. I got to win.. ya know??

Thanks for putting up with my ramble today. I just needed to own up in writing, so I can move on and lose weight!!