Beebee

Ok, I didn’t have a title today, so shoot me! I have been thinking a lot about what my beef is lately. I just seem to not be able to “get it right”. I haven’t been completely terrible.. mainly because this baby is the best cop in the world. Nothing that I have necessarily done to claim a victory. My tummy gets in knots when I eat, or I just get downright moody about it. Either way, I have been staying about the same on weight. I was even down one pound this morning. I won’t complain. I flux about 3 pounds, so I’m sure it will be right back tomorrow. Probably bring a friend too!

It is fine that I am maintaining my weight. That is actually the goal right now. The really BIG problem is that I can’t seem to convince myself to exercise! I have very low energy right now which is not helping. I think the main problem though is that I have such a hard time putting in the time to workout when I KNOW I am not going to lose!! That is sooooo selfish! I need to exercise for the baby and me to be healthy, but I just DON’T! Days are slipping by and I just don’t MAKE myself do it!

I’m not sure if morning is going to work for me while I’m pregnant for working out. I’ve been worn out with hubby’s work schedule messing with me. I just don’t go, and I’m hoping that if I try after work again that maybe I’ll have a little better success. I have a difficult time with the mentality of going to workout to be active, but not trying to bust my butt. I guess there is no medium setting on me! I feel most of the time like why bother?? Emotionally that is how I feel. Intellectually, I know better!

I’m paying for a Y membership, so I’m determined to get some use out of it. I think my “plan” for now is going to be to go to the Y directly after work. Go home, change clothes and head over. It will only take me probably 45 min to get a decent baby workout in. If I can get going on that, I think I might try a yoga video in the mornings before work.

I guess I’m just having a hard time convincing myself to put the work into being fit when I know I won’t see results on the scale. I guess my subconscious is pretty selfish! I need to get my mindset changed over from the idea of fitness to lose weight to one for health for baby and me. The rest will have to wait!

I have my first doctor’s appt on Thursday! I’m pretty nervous about it. I’ve been waiting so long to get to talk to him and get some answers. I guess the anticipation has built a bit! I hate going to the doc, but it is pretty necessary evil when one is preggers! I’ll let you all know how it goes.

Thanksgiving was wonderful. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I wish I could have eaten more! LOL! We went to a fabulous restruant with a wonderful buffet. My tummy max’d out if a very short time. I ate a salad first with a dinner roll. After that, I managed to eat about 2-3 bites of the rest of the things on my plate. Oh well, the taste was to die for! It just isn’t worth being miserable for though!! My eating over the past four days has been touch and go. Nothing regular or scheduled. I hate that! I’m ALMOST glad to be back to work and a normal schedule!

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

I had a very busy lunchbreak. Lots of errands to run, and I knew I wasn’t going to have time to get lunch at home like I usually do. I went through the McD’s drive thru for a value meal. Is it really a value if it makes you sick as a dog? I can’t recall the last time that I ate McD’s. Before starting this life change, I bet I did something similar about 3-5 times a week. Well, the baby definitely didn’t appreciate my lunchtime choice. I feel horrible now!! Tummy is hurting and I feel fat and bloated! I cannot believe I let something like a busy errand filled lunch break be my excuse to do something so stupid! If I EVER think that this is an ok decision, even occassionally, someone please just slap some sense into me!! Not literally, please!

Well, this weekend was packed. We had all six of our kids for the weekend (his 3 and my 3), and I have tons of housework to do! I got some done this weekend, but it seemed like I spent most of my weekend cooking and shopping for groceries! I hate it when my days are based on what meal is coming up next! I didn’t get nearly enough done on the house. I tackled the majority of the laundry, but I’ll still be doing more around my work schedule the next couple of days. We had two bed wetting episodes this weekend with the girls. They are much too old for those things, but I guess it happens. I’m pretty frustrated today. I was pretty short with my daughter over her wetting the bed which I shouldn’t have been. I don’t know what the issues are with her, but I guess I should be a little bit more patient. It just seems like it was attention grabbing thing or something. My step-daughter had wet the bed the night before, so it was unusual timing. It made for a pretty rotten Monday morning anyway.

So kids were a little on the irritating side this weekend. I am sure it was more to do with me than them. I have a lot I wanted to get done this weekend, and it doesn’t seem like the list shortened by very much! It just made my prego mood swings all that much worse. Hubby, of course wasn’t really in a highly motivated mood either. He has put in two very long weeks at work, and was wanting a little R&R. I can’t blame him, but the timing was a little difficult for me to handle!!

I was supposed to make it back to the gym on a regular basis, but I just don’t think it is happening! The time is slipping by, and I’m still not going on a regular basis! I’m hoping after the holiday is over, I will again find a normal schedule! I can hope I suppose! I hate to put it off! I really do! I feel like every day I put it off, is one day closer to me just giving up on ever making it! I know it isn’t true this time, but it gives me that feeling every day I don’t make it to the gym! I do know that I probably won’t make it this week though. I have some serious housework to finish up before my sister gets into town. I also have some minor shopping I was wanting to get done before Thursday. Looking at my schedule this week, I need to make reasonable expectations of myself. I think my exercise this week is going to be walking the dog. I think I can commit to that without feeling completely overwhelmed! Even a short walk in the evening with her will improve my moods I think. I just need to realize how much better I feel when I get it done!

I’m not stressing about the food this year. We are eating thanksgiving dinner at a really nice restraunt this year instead of cooking. That means there will be only ONE meal for the holiday. No leftovers, no going back all afternoon for treats. One time shot. I think I can behave rather nicely for ONE meal! I actually think it will be really nice! We won’t have to worry about the cooking or the clean up! Fantastic!

I have been struggling to find fresh fruits and veggies that interest me lately. I blame it on the season change. It is so depressing to shop for fresh stuff this time of the year. I go and look and come out empty handed! The only things that look good right now are the apples. My mom told me about an apple called Honey Crisp. They are way over priced and difficult to find, but they are wonderful! If anyone else is having a hard time finding stuff this time of the year to tickle your fancy, you might want to try them. Try not to cry when you see the sticker price on them! I am not a dishonest person, but it crossed my mind to do a little produce sticker swap when I saw how much they cost! OMG! I didn’t, but it crossed my mind!! Bad me!

I was thinking about this today, and since I’m the nosey kind of person, I thought I would ask. Feel free to not respond if you don’t want, but I’m curious. My hubby accused me last night of getting shy about being nekkie around him now that I’m prego. I have always kind of felt that the man I love loves me the way I am, and I have nothing to hide. I told him that I am NOT being shy. I’m way moody lately, and probably not responding to his playfulness like he would like, but it isn’t due to being shy.

I have always slept in the buff. My ex-hub never appreciated this much, but that is his issues not mine. My Mom has always slept in a nightgown. Doesn’t matter to her how long they have been married, she is still very shy even in private. I just think it is interesting on peoples choice of night clothing. Anyone game to share what they sleep in and why??

I posted last week that I wanted to have a date with hubby. I forgot to let you all know that I had an absolutely wonderful time with hubby. We went out to see a movie.. P2. It was scary cuz I think I know that guy!! Seems to fit every single night worker I know!

The funny part about it is that I was the most moody eater in the entire world that night. We went to Applebees for dinner. I wanted a Bourbon street steak, which I ordered and ate about three bites of each thing and was done with it. The waitress came over and asked if everything was ok if we wanted dessert and such. She was concerned that I didn’t like my food cuz I didn’t eat much of it. I told her it was wonderful, but I wanted a box for the rest. I also decided I wanted a dessert “shooter”. Little mini-dessert things. I ordered one and ate.. oh three bites and asked her for a cup to put the rest in. It wasn’t really that I was full, but just moody I think. We went to the theater and of course popcorn sounded just wonderful. I ordered a small with a water. I ate about 12 pieces and decided I was done with it. Hubby of course thought it was so funny that I kept ordering stuff and hardly touching it. He said if it made me happy, that was good enough. I ended up having a very nice “leftover” meal of steak and potatoe 2 days later!! Kids got the popcorn!

Well, buddies, I think I’m finally feeling it again. My last post, I said that I felt I was letting old habits creep back into my life. I have finally started putting my foot down. I contribute it to a couple of different things. Yesterday, my friend Karen told me that her doctor said 1800-2400 calories for a prego mama. For overweight women 5-10 lbs gain is appropriate. I know this sounds like I am obsessing, but really it is that I need guidelines or I go nuts. This gives me something to work with and will keep me on track eating healthy for me and the baby.

That was all great information, but this morning when my alarm went off at 5am, I still was talking myself out of going to the gym. In that early morning honest moment, I admitted to myself that I was scared to go back. I haven’t been there in over two weeks. I wasn’t really comfy when I was going, and now I was downright scared to go! How silly is that? I was afraid I would look goofy, or that I would tucker out before even making it worth it since I’ve been sick so long.

Now after laying in bed and realizing that I was intimidated by the fitness room this morning, I realized that I was going to have to be accountable this morning to Jessica and all of my other buddies. I knew I did NOT want to tell her that I did not do what I was supposed to. I finally compromised with myself. I decided to go swimming instead of the fitness center. I wouldn’t have to worry about overheating and I could get back into the swing of things. So I dragged my happy ass up to the gym and did some laps. It felt great! My lungs are doing great after having a resp. infection which I was concerned about. I feel back in control again. Not only of my fitness, but of my eating as well. It feels good to be back. I owe a great big thank you to all of you for your continuous encouragement. I really was struggling even worse than I thought I was. I know this won’t be the end of my emotional ups and downs, but I feel on the up end of it right now and it is a GREAT change!

Well, I saw a two pound gain this morning, and I can’t say that I’m surprised. I have seen a lot of the bad habits creeping back in. I’ve been in limbo since I’ve gotten pregnant, and haven’t been able to get any answers from the doctor yet regarding health and exercise. I don’t know why I would think that this is justification to not choosing as wisely as I was before. I think it took me seeing that gain on the scale to realize that I need to change things right now, and get back on track. I already knew it, but this is a kick in the seat now.

I’m feeling quite a bit better than I have, but still dragging enough that I put off going to the gym. Well, starting this evening after work, I’m no longer accepting that as an answer. I’m well enough to go do SOMETHING even if it isn’t a full workout! There is no more excuse to NOT do it. I’ve already lost 2 weeks from being sick, and I’m just not willing to lose anymore time.

I go to the doctor for my first REAL appointment on Nov 29th. I don’t want to go to the doctor without some sort of eating/exercise schedule established. I would rather have a working plan that I can discuss with him than to go in there like a floundering fish and expect him to fix it. No one but me is really going to care what shape I’m in after this baby is born. I do care though, and I need to stop letting hormone surges and fatigue distract me from that fact. I need to be healthy even more so now than I did before.

I hate to do the “it’s Monday and time for a new resolve”, but that is exactly what I’m doing. It is Monday, and I am going to make better choices this week than I did last. I will be a healthier person by the next Monday and the one after that. By the time June gets here, I want to be in much better shape than I am at this moment. I want to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby!!

Well, it is Friday, and I’m definitely ready for the weekend! It has been a very long long week. I’ve been sick for 2 weeks now. That makes it really hard to care about anything else. I finally slept last night, and I’m feeling a little better today. The cough is starting to ease up a little bit. I’m hoping I’ll be back at the gym really soon. I am surprised that I actually miss it! I got my eyes examined today and new contacts. I can see again!! Woohooo! I must be the worst eye patient there is in the whole world. Everything you aren’t supposed to do with contacts, I do! I am going to TRY to be good this time. My ex hub and I had the same prescription, so instead of going into the eye doc, I would just steal contacts from him. Ever since we have split, I haven’t had access to new contacts. How bad is that? I just really really hate going to the eye doc! It wasn’t even that bad! Of course he didn’t dialate my eyes because I’m preggers. That was nice at least.

Hubby and I are watching his dad’s dog while he is out of town this weekend. That added a wrench to my schedule this morning! He wanted us to keep him at our house, but I refuse. He isn’t house trained, at least for us he isn’t. He fights with our dogs, and I said I absolutely wouldn’t do that. He got pretty upset with me for not agreeing, but that is his deal. I told him I would be happy to go over and let him out a couple of times a day. He agreed to that arrangement I guess. I need to get up extra early on Monday to make it over there before work. I ended up skipping breakfast this morning because I ran out of time! Lesson learned I suppose!

 I hope you all have a very great and healthy weekend! I’m sure going to do my best to do the same! I’m hoping to get some alone time with hubby. I told him I want a date! I feel distant from him since I’ve been sick for so long! I just want to curl up in the corner and die most of the time! Now that I’m feeling a little better, I want some TLC!!

Great job everyone! We finally hit over 200,000 weight loss as a group! What an accomplishment! I’ve been watching that ticker waiting for it to hit. I’m sad that I missed it actually turning over, but it is still very exciting! I just wanted to pat every single person on the back for a job well done! Keep up the great work!

Yesterday afternoon, that is all I wanted. I could practically smell them! Of course I wanted them with a scoop of vanilla icecream on them too! I bet I could have ate a whole pan of them! I wanted them so bad I could feel it making my hands itch to get them. Of course, I had to go to good ole Wally World to get groceries and household stuff. Hubby got a bonus on a gift card, so I was of the mentality to SPEND. I had my younger son with me who is NOTHING like Squiggly’s 11 yr old! Mine is all gung ho for me eating crap!

I did my grocery shopping first. I am not sure what is wrong with me, but when I go to buy groceries, I seem to get in a mood. I end up leaving the groceries and haven’t bought half of what I needed. How odd. I think it is because I’m so moody about food right now. Hubby might have to do the shopping next time because I really didn’t buy the right stuff, or enough of it.

Ok, I stopped and check out the Ultimate Choc Brownie mix. I tried not to get my cart too close for fear that the box would literally JUMP into my cart! I looked at it for a moment with longing that Jen is so good at describing! I slowly turned my cart down the other way and left the damn thing in the store on the shelf! Now, I haven’t been perfect lately. I’ve had some foods that I shouldn’t have. Usually a mini candy bar! I’ll be glad when that crap is gone! The part I have been horrible about is not planning out my snacks like I was. I need to get back on track better that way. I just don’t FEEL like it. I know that isn’t an answer, but I am struggling with myself really bad right now! I haven’t gained anything, thank God! I guess it about evens out with my not wanting to eat and eating some things I shouldn’t. Not the healthy way to do this though!

Exercise has been nil lately. I have had a respitory (can’t spell that one!) infection of some sort. I’ve been trying to cough up my lung all the time. It has definitely settled in my lungs and hurts. I spend most of my nights coughing, hacking, and blowing my nose. It isn’t bad enough to just stay in bed, but it is wearing me out pretty bad. I’ll be happy when it passes. I hate not feeling well. My boss has it too! I guess it doesn’t pay to kiss up to the boss! lol! We are quite a pair though coughing all day long!

Ok, since I was a good girl and didn’t eat the pan of brownies I really really wanted, I did do a little splurging! I went to the baby dept. and bought a beautiful baby quilt! It was way more than I should have spent on it, but I loved it! I also got some little white onesies and a diaper bag. It is amazing that there is absolutely NOTHING for neutral sex for babies. It is either boy or girl stuff. That has changed since the last time I did this! I guess absolutely everyone finds out the sex of the baby ahead of time now! Told hubby that the baby had a complete wardrobe now. I have diapers and onesies! It will be June, so this works! Oh, I did buy some baby shampoo also. I think that was about it for baby buys!