Beebee

Ok, I think I have been intentionally putting this off, and I apologize in advance if my thoughts are kind of random. I had a doc appt a couple of days ago, and I guess I was scared. I hadn’t had an annual girl exam for about 5-6 annuals ago. I had been having some troubles, and I didn’t want to hear what a doc had to say. I also was putting off getting nekky for a doc at the size I am right now– ugghhh. That was the very main reason I put it off so long. Well, it wasn’t that horrible and it is done with now. He didn’t have anything dramatic to say other than he was putting me on the Pill to regulate me out. As long as it works!! I was sort of appalled at how doc visits go now! It is a lot like cattle thru a shoot! In-out, don’t ask too many questions! I’m glad he isn’t reg care doc or I would be more upset about it. I still need to find a reg doc though. I was also concerned that I was preggers. He ran a test, but it is still too early to be 100% yet. Came back neg. but I won’t know for sure for another week. I really don’t want to be preggers! I have three kids and hubby has three also. That is plenty! They are getting older and more independent, and I just don’t want to start over now!! I would be happy and love a baby if it was a done deal, but it isn’t my desire right now!! I am just getting going on a good weight loss trend and I’m pretty sure that 9 mos of getting HUGE probably would cramp that trend! I really don’t want to retire my spot on the Cats either! Is that silly or what??

Ok, not preggers (that I know of) and not dying. Pretty good news for one appt. My appt was on my ex-anniv. which I thought quite ironic. All day long I kept thinking how it used to be such a deal, and now it is nothing. It gave me a chance to think how happy I am now. Ex is not a horrible person, just not for me. He makes a much better ex than hubby!!

I used to go swimming every morning at the Y. Let me tell you.. that is a great way to boost your weight loss! I did it in addition to working out on the weights in the evening. I have never lost weight so easily in my life! It was awesome! My goal has been to establish the routine of getting up at 5am and walking in the morning. I told myself that when I get used to doing it EVERY DAY, that I would get a family membership again to the Y. It isn’t cheap, and I had got one back in January or so and didn’t use it. Cancelled it after 3 mos. I don’t want to do that again! My boys (13 & 11 yrs) are both willing to get up and walk with me in the mornings with the understanding that they can also go swimming when we get the membership. I thought that is pretty awesome! I would love to see them get into such a great habit! All the more motivation for me to get my buns moving! I need the routine more than anything, so I will feel like I am working out hard enough. One of my biggest fears is that I will lose the weight and look like the saggy baggy elephant with loose skin! I know that the best way to prevent that is to lose slow and steady and to work out lots! I’m trying to do this the right way, so I will love the results of my hard work!

Overall, I have had a pretty stressful time the last week or so. A lot of family issues that I would rather do without. I have felt myself sliding mentally a little. Like I just stopped caring as much. I’m in a much better place now. I had just a couple of small blunders that didn’t do any damage other than prolonging me healing and moving on  emotionally. I really think that giving into food comfort only makes it worse. You still have to deal with it in the long run. I know that the first 2-3 weeks on this journey, I was a BEAR to be around. Hubby and kids probably got a few bites to the butt that were completely unfounded. I couldn’t understand why I was like that. I eventually figured out that I had no real means of dealing with stress and emotions without eating! I was getting frustrated and angry because I couldn’t drown my problems in calories! What an eye-opener that was! 33 yrs old and didn’t know how to deal with the stress of living! I’ve gotten better, but I still feel it when it gets intense. I start obsessing about food, even if I don’t eat it!

Anyway, any that made it to the very end of this lengthy post, thank you for listening! Have a great weekend!!